Monday, June 3, 2013

Salary - I Love You!

I am not sure if I have been consistent in my performance at work but what I see consistently happening to me is my salary issues. I never have bargained or negotiated on my compensation so far and I think the lack of attention I pay to that department of my career is hurting me bad.

You know, the cosmic rule is you only get loved back just as much as you love someone. So just in case my Salary thinks I don't love her (refer footnote) enough, let me take this opportunity and make things clear:

"My Dear and Most Beloved Salary -

I love every bit of you to the infinite decimal value possible. I miss you so much and I cannot survive without you. I know I have boasted to my team how I do not care about money... I AM SORRY for that, I just got carried away and started acting like a jerk. I really did not mean it. Forgive me.

I have read that separation exponentially increases love. I KNOW THAT now... All those months when you never showed up, my love for you has multiplied at such a magnitude that mankind cannot possibly fathom...

Wherever you are, with whomever you are, I implore you to come to my widely open and empty bank account. I am sure I can spend you to the fullest extent possible, trust me I have the capacity to do that.

With warm regards and loads of dues to pay,
Yours Truly,
Kaarthik Padmanabhan
Account Number: 99191549999538"

P.S: Just in case if you are wondering how I determined that Salary is a "SHE", well, good or bad Salary is after all a "figure". Besides, the name rhymes with Valerie, Mallory. But most importantly I JUST IMAGINED it that way! All right? So stop asking questions and pray my Salary unites with me for now and forever!

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